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For the past week or so I’ve gone out of my way trying to avoid seeing, hearing or reading a spoiler for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Call me crazy but I actually wanted to read the book to find out what happened.

It wasn’t easy. Not only did the New York Times feel it was necessary to print a review of the book two days before it was released, but a well-meaning, if misguided, friend of mine emailed it to me that same day. Fortunately I saw what it was and set it aside until after I read the book.

Like many people, I’ve been looking forward to this book for some time. I came into the whole Harry Potter phenomenon a little late. I didn’t pick it up until shortly before the release of the 4th book. The buzz was really just starting back then and I hadn’t been paying too much attention, so I wasn’t really expecting anything. To my delight I found that the first book was really good and quickly bought and read the second, third, and when it came out, the fourth. Since that time I’ve eagerly awaited each new release.

I enjoyed the 5th book, but found it a little dark. I wasn’t as crazy about the 6th book. I didn’t think it was bad, I just thought it floundered a bit. The 7th and final book would, I hoped, be a more satisfying read.

Avoiding all spoilers I bought the book on Saturday the 21st and sat down to read it. Unfortunately by now I was convinced that I had to finish the book quickly or someone would spoil it for me. Rowling herself had said that at least two of the main characters would die in this book. I really wish she hadn’t.

I found that as I was reading the book I was rushing through it. I had to know what happened. Every time something bad happened to any character I told myself that this was what Rowling was talking about. I wasn’t enjoying the book as much as I should have because I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I kept anticipating that I would be disappointed, kept fearing that after six books and several thousand pages I’d turn away from the final story in disgust at the ending.

Maybe it’s just me but I think that we’ve all been betrayed too many times by authors. Too many times I’ve seen beloved characters die because of an author’s lack of imagination. Too many times I’ve seen characters mishandled and destroyed for short-term sales spikes. Too many times I’ve been disappointed because someone thought he was being clever by being cynical.

While I did enjoy this last book, that enjoyment wasn’t what it should have been. Now that I’ve read it, I hope that sometime in the future I’ll be able to read the entire series again without that cloud of dread hanging over me. Maybe then I’ll be able to enjoy it.